Changing Lives Through God's Word
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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
Dead Seagull
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven, the dad replied." The boy thought for a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
Jesus Is Watching You
A burglar broke into a house one night, shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark; he heard a voice saying, "Jesus is watching you." He looked nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables. He again heard, "Jesus is watching you." This time, he shined his flashlight all over the room, and the light rested upon a  parrot. He asked, "Did you say that?" The parrot admitted that it had. "I'm just trying to warn you, that's all." The burglar said, "Warn me, huh? Who are you? What's your name?" "Moses." was the parrots reply. The burglar asked, "Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?" The bird answered, "I don't know; I guess the same kind of folks who would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'."
Walking on Water
The Pope a Priest and a Rabbi are all fishing in a boat on a lake, and talking. After about 3 hours the Pope says that he's getting hungry and walks across the water to get some food. After he leaves the boat the Priest decides he's hungry too and follows the Pope. The Rabbi says, "Well I'm not going to be left here, and I believe in God just as much as they do." So he walks off the boat and immediately sinks. The Priest says to the Pope, "You think we should have told him where the rocks are?"
Playing Golf
Jesus, Moses and an old man were playing golf and it was Jesus turn. He hit the ball and it landed in the water and floated. So Jesus walked out, hit it and it landed in the cup. Next, it was Moses turn. He hit the ball and it landed in the water and sank to the bottom. So he parted the water and hit it in the cup. Last it was the old man's turn. He hit the ball, it bounced off a turtle in the water, a bird caught the ball and dropped it by the cup and a rabbit knocked it in. Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate it when Your Father plays!"
I'm not going to church!
A mother called her son one Sunday morning, to get out of bed and get ready for church.
He replied "I'm not going."
His mother said "Yes you are going, so get out of that bed."
He replied "give me ONE good reason why I should go."
She replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons...
1. I'm your mother, and I say you're going.
2. You're 40 years old, so you are old enough to know better.
3. You're the Pastor, so you need to be there!
Full Bucket
There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full that a couple of the nuts rolled out and rested by the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed by, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you," and so on. He knew what that meant. "Oh my gosh!" he shuddered, "It's satan and St. Peter dividing up the souls at the cemetery!" He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come quick!" he yelled, "You won't believe what I just heard, satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing up souls." The old man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is?" But after several pleas, the man finally hobbled over to the cemetery where he heard a voice saying, "One for you, one for me. One for you," and so on. The old man whispered to the boy, "Boy, you've been telling the truth! Let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shivering with fear they edged toward the fence, still unable to see anything, but they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. And the last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those two nuts by the fence, and we'll be done!" They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy did!
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